family Archives - Page 16 of 27

Oct 22, 2015

JUST YOUR MOM. JUST YOUR DAD

by libbycataldi under Communication, Courage, Dialogue, family, Forgiveness, Stay Close

A dad told me, While visiting my son in a halfway house, I was impressed with the community of support around him. “If you feel yourself slipping or getting into the danger zone,” I asked my son, “what should I say to you to help?” He answered, “Nothing. If I need help, I need to reach out to these people around me, who know my walk.” I felt relieved when he said this to me because I just want to be his dad.

My reflection, This dad was grateful when he realized his son was taking responsibility for his recovery by reaching out to his AA or NA community for help. As parents, we put huge pressure on ourselves to solve our children’s problems and lift them from the chaos the drugs create – when in reality, we’re not best suited for the job.

Today’s Promise to consider, For as much as I want to offer my son support and words of wisdom, I admit that the programs of AA and NA are far more helpful in providing access to people who are also on the path of sobriety. I’m just his mom, the person who will always love him.

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Oct 15, 2015

WHY MY KID?

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Courage, Faith, family, Stay Close

Photo credit: Mikele Roselli-Cecconi

A mother wrote to me: My husband and I were always here with our kids, but it seems to me that lots of kids who were on their own did better. Many of our neighborhood children grew up with our kids, and they all very successful. How did mine turn out to be an addict?

My reflection: This is a question I asked myself for years. I have two sons: one is addicted to heroin and the other isn’t. The kids in the neighborhood seemed to turn out OK. Why my son? What did I miss? What could I have done differently? Many parents ask themselves these same questions.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I accept the validity of all my diverse feelings. I refuse to hide my confusion, isolate myself, and keep the secret and the shame. I hate the addiction, but I will release myself from feeling that I failed my son. I did my best and there is no blame.

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Oct 1, 2015

I WAS BLESSED WITH THE GIFT OF DESPERATION

by libbycataldi under Courage, family, Hope, Recovery, Service

Photo credit: Mikele Roselli-Cecconi

A recovering addict wrote, Things couldn’t be better for me. I’m almost nine months sober, very active in a 12-step program and working at Apple. Life is drama free and I’m keeping things as simple as possible. No sex and relationships for a year! I volunteer to be of service, and I even pray and meditate daily – most days that is. Life has finally smoothed out. No more daily pain and depression. I’m involved and present with my family and loved ones. I’m well, content! Can you believe it?? It took long enough! But I was blessed with the gift of desperation…finally! And I was ready for change. So here I am!

My reflection: This young man’s renewed enthusiasm for life is inspiring. He wrote that he was blessed with the gift of desperation which is something The Big Book of AA points to as a profound turning point in many lives. The desperation of drowning in pain caused by active addiction is a powerful force and provided him the willingness to make some crucial changes.

Today’s Promise to consider: Addicts are not the only ones who are blessed with the gift of desperation. When my son was at his worst, I, too, was desperate, and it was at that moment that I learned to surrender. Today, I pray that all our loved ones, who are suffering with addiction, will be gifted with the strength to start on the road to a healthy life. And I pray for all of us, who love them, for our peace.

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Sep 17, 2015

THERE’S LIFE AFTER ADDICTION

by libbycataldi under Courage, Faith, family, Gratitude, Recovery

Niece Iysa and Uncle Jeff.

Honoring Achievements: Jeff was in active addiction for fourteen years. It was impossible to see a future for our family that was healthy and complete. I was mired in confusion and Jeff was slowly destroying himself. This week, I’m reminded of how very much our lives have changed as Jeff celebrates the fifth anniversary of his music label Cascine. Our family honors this milestone alongside Jeff.

My reflection: When in the throes of active addiction, life – for both the addict and the family – becomes a struggle for health and survival. Things often change dramatically when sobriety enters the picture. Reminders are all around us, when we stop and look for them.

Today’s Promise to consider: It’s imperative to never give up hope with our addicted loved ones. There are many success stories of people who have survived an addiction and come home to themselves and their families. Jeff is one of the lucky ones. Today and every day, we’re grateful.

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Sep 10, 2015

HELPING OR ENABLING?

by libbycataldi under Courage, family, Resentments

Photo credit: Mikele Roselli Cecconi

A mother wrote me to: My son is back in detox for the second time in less than four months. Hopefully this time he will also go through rehab and stay sober, but I don’t know. I pray that his journey will not be long and hard, but somehow I fear it may. I pray that I have the strength and knowledge to know the difference between helping my son and enabling him.

My reflection: I was never very good at knowing where the line was between enabling and helping. Addiction forced me to make decisions that were difficult and, oftentimes, life threatening. In the end, I learned to stay close, but out of the way of the chaos. It’s an inexact science, but I found a way to love my son without being tossed around by the waves of his addiction.

Today’s Promise: I admit that I don’t always know how best to help my child, but I will continue to learn. I will not blame, accuse or berate. I will be an active participant in my support groups, stay close and trust God.

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Aug 27, 2015

ONE COUNTY, 70 MINUTES, EIGHT OVERDOSES

by libbycataldi under Dialogue, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family

A friend sent me an article from the Washington Post about a small county in western Pennsylvania – a county of slightly more that 200,00 people and just 40 minutes from my home town – where there were reported eight overdoses in 70 minutes. “There’s been a progressive increase in overdoses the last two years, and it just went out of control,” said Rick Gluth, supervising detective on the drug task force. “I’ve been a police officer for 27 years and worked narcotics for the last 15, and this is the worst.”

My reaction: Articles like this are important. They help, as Dr. MacAfee says, to take addiction out of the shadows and into the light where it can be healed. There is no silver bullet for stopping the flow of narcotics into the hands of our loved ones, but pieces like this unveil the hard facts around an epidemic suffocating so many of our families.

Today’s Promise to consider: Addiction is anchored in Stigma, Shame and Silence. Today, I join together with other parents to break the backs of these three S’s. People are dying and the death toll is increasing.

(the full article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-heroin-epidemics-toll-one-county-70-minutes-eight-overdoses/2015/08/23/f616215e-48bc-11e5-846d-02792f854297_story.html)

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Aug 20, 2015

I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS

by libbycataldi under Courage, Faith, family, meditation

Photo credit: Mikele Roselli-Cecconi

A mom wrote to me: My son is still on the streets and I don’t know from one day to the next what will happen to him, but I survive by working my steps, having a sponsor, reading my books and calling people on the phone list. Most important of all, I try every day, all day, to put God first in my life and, in doing this, I have been able to Let Go and Let God. I’ll be a work in progress until the day I die.

My reflection: I join this mom in being a work in progress. Whether my son is struggling with his demons or not, I also try to live by the mantra Let Go and Let God. When I truly acknowledge the fact that I am not in control of others or their choices, I am able to live one step closer to peace.

Today’s Promise to consider: My mom once told me, It takes a lifetime to learn how to live. Today, I will pray for humility and for my Higher Power to direct my path.

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Jul 30, 2015

A LITTLE PIECE DIES

by libbycataldi under family, Relapse

A mother wrote to me: Tonight we had our son arrested under the mental health act because we were so concerned with his safety. He broke down and said that he wished he could die. We didn’t know if this was drunk/drug talk or if this was a cry for help, but I knew we had to take this seriously. This was the hardest and most painful thing I have had to do in my life. We had the police come to our home and handcuff him and take him to the hospital’s psychiatric unit. When you watch the police take your own son away in handcuffs because you called them, a little piece of you dies.

My reflection: Addiction is a monster and it changes our children into people we don’t recognize. It wreaks havoc in our lives and twists our love into unimaginable shapes. We don’t know what to do in the face of addiction, but we try our best. We do what our hearts tell us to do. Are we right or wrong? I’m not sure there are answers to some questions.

Today’s Promise: Every minute of every day, addiction kills little pieces of our families. Today, I admit that I am powerless to change my loved one, but I am not powerless to change myself. I will search for my strength and I will find my balance. I will pick up my cross and carry it.

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Jul 23, 2015

RING OF FIRE

by libbycataldi under Communication, family, Relapse

A mother writes: I have three sons. The oldest is an addict, and the younger brothers don’t want anything to do with him. Sometimes it’s more than I can bear. Our family is on the verge of imploding as a result of the addiction. When addiction is present, everybody is out of control, everybody lives a joyless life and everyone is lost. I know my son must help himself, but while I wait and watch, I must say – I am in despair.

My reflection: Despair, out of control, lost: all words that describe a family dealing with addiction. Brother against brother, father against mother and everyone against the addiction as we are tossed into a ring of fire. What to do? Al-Anon and other family groups help us to know that we are not alone.

Today’s Promise to consider: I admit that I am powerless over this disease, but I also know that every member of my family is affected – and I must to be sensitive to their needs and fears. I will do my best to provide a strong role model for my family, I will learn about addiction, I will keep strong boundaries and communicate with honesty. Together we will find our way. I will stay close.

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Jul 9, 2015

RELAPSE

by libbycataldi under Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Faith, family, Relapse

A mom wrote to me, As I anticipated, my son relapsed. Not that any relapse is ‘good,’ but this one was terribly frightening. My son has lost about everything. My husband and I (not always on the same page) went to his apartment last night. I held my son in my arms and BEGGED him to choose life. I know I can’t do this for him. I’m just so painfully sad.

My reflection: I would have sold my soul to make Jeff well. Relapse after relapse felt as if it were our life’s sentence. Only at the end of a 14-year addiction did I realize that I was powerless to change my son. He had to make the decision to change. I needed to stay close.

Today’s Promise to consider: For many addicts, relapse is part of the process of recovery. Dr. MacAfee says that relapse isn’t failure, but it’s one step closer to sobriety. For today, I’ll pray that if my addicted loved one relapses, he makes it back safely. As a mom, I will use my energy to stay close, continue to love him and pray.

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