Hope Archives - Page 8 of 16

Oct 2, 2014

LEARNING FROM ANGER

by libbycataldi under Communication, Hope, Recovery, Resentments

A recovering addict wrote to me: Anger is a clear and abrupt signal that something is wrong. I’m learning to respond to my anger by:

1) Not reacting in the moment. When I feel “hot,” let it sit – like a baking tray coming out of the oven.

2) Examining the anger when I’ve cooled down. What about it caused me to respond so negatively? What role did I play in the situation? What insight does my sponsor and support group have?

3) Taking action. How can I respond in a wise and constructive way to the problem?

My reflection: Anger is a normal response and one that can be healthy if it causes us to take good action. However, anger can also overwhelm and blind us from making smart choices. For me, I’ve learned that anger is usually a kind of fire blanket that covers up my deeper emotions of insecurity, fear or hurt.

Today’s Promise to consider: When I feel angry, I’ll stop and examine what is causing the reaction. What am I feeling under the rage? Am I afraid, depressed or shamed? Today, I won’t give in to the anger, but I will pause, think and pray for clarity about the path forward.

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Sep 11, 2014

LOVING AND DETACHING

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Hope, Relapse

A mom wrote to me, My son was living at home, staying off drugs, working at a job and working out, but he left today. I told him I loved him with a heavy heart! This was our last time of letting him live with us…now he needs to be the change if he wants it. Love and detach…stay close…..so hard. We offered him treatment. My prayer is that he stays safe. God give me the strength to accept this.

My reflection: Loving and detaching – I struggled with this dichotomy for years. How could I love my son and detach at the same time? But in the end, it was the blending of these two that made the difference in my son’s life. I learned to stay close, but out of the chaos. I answered his calls and texts, but I finally moved out of the way.

Today’s Promise to consider: Dealing with addiction is counterintuitive: I need to stay close and continue to love my addicted child, but I also need to protect myself from the consequences of his choices. Today, I will accept that he needs to make the decision to change his life. I need to accept, surrender and pray for strength, for both of us.

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Sep 4, 2014

NO BLAME

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, family, Hope, Jeff, meditation

Jeff and niece Iysa

A mother wrote to me: My son was a star athlete in high school and at age seventeen began his downward spiral into this insidious disease. I taught in the school district that he attended so it was doubly hard getting calls just about every day from the RN to take him for a drug test. He fell asleep in class or didn’t even show up for school. I blamed myself – his dad and I had separated before this nightmare began so I assumed he took drugs to medicate himself or to use as a band-aid.

My reaction: We parents often blame ourselves for our child’s addiction. When our child is broken and ill, we would rather point to anyone, even ourselves, before we blame our addicted loved one. We feel powerless and assigning fault comes easily in moments of crisis.

Today’s Promise:Many experts say that addiction is an illness. Who is to blame for this illness? I will blame no one. Our family is affected by addiction. I will accept it, find strength in God and my recovering community, and go forward.

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Jul 31, 2014

HOPE

by libbycataldi under Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

A mother wrote to me: My son is an alcoholic and has just returned from Iraq. Today he is good, and I pray that tomorrow will be the same. He is working his program in AA, and I am staying close to him and to my support group in Al-Anon. There are winners in recovery and it’s important for us to keep solid role models of hope out there, in front of us, to keep us all going.

My reflection: For all of us across the spectrum of recovery, it’s critical that we see positive examples of wellness and success. I am on a rowing team of breast cancer survivors and we join together as a visible example that there is life after cancer. We know we’re lucky to have survived and we row together for our own health and to offer others hope.

Jeff talks about the “old timers” in AA who are sober and have lived in sobriety for decades. They “keep coming back” to give hope, share wisdom and support others. In Al-Anon, I look to our “old timers” who know my wounds and help me stay centered in the face of life’s challenges.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will remember that there are people who have survived the chaos of addiction. I will look to them for guidance and point to their successes. Where there is life, there is hope.

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Jul 24, 2014

SLOGANS AND TOUGH TIMES

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Hope

A mom wrote to me, I know all the slogans of Al-Anon: Easy Does It, One Day at a Time, Keep it Simple, First Things First. These and more are seared into my soul, but they are still hard to put into practice when things get tough.

My reflection: Let Go and Let God continues to be my go-to slogan. When Jeff was in active addiction, I repeated these words like a mantra. I knew I had no control over the addiction, and this slogan helped to keep me focused on getting out of God’s way. Even today, when things go wrong (as life is want to do), this slogan is my mainstay.

Today’s Promise to consider: Having a saying to help us through difficult times is a point of reference, helping to ground us. For years, I have called particular slogans to mind to support me through times of trouble. When I’m feeling confused and lost, my favorite is: Let Go and Let God.

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Jul 17, 2014

MINDFUL SPEECH

by libbycataldi under Communication, Dialogue, Faith, family, Forgiveness, Hope

A dad wrote, I have a sign in my office that says, “I wish my mouth had a pause button.” That sign has been hanging there for years, yet I never applied it to understanding how to ‘pause’ and listen to God. Without that understanding how could I ever hope to, “Let go, Let God?”

My reflection, There are many times I, too, wish my mouth had a pause button. How often do we respond hurriedly and then have regrets? The visual comes to mind of a cartoon figure with the bubble from his mouth where the words are written. I’ve often wished I could erase the words in the bubble or reel them back in.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I’ll be more mindful of my words. Before I respond to someone or weigh in with my opinion, I’ll take time to reflect and reply with compassion. I will pause and listen to my inner counsel, trusting to hear God’s wisdom.

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Jul 3, 2014

COURAGE IS FEAR THAT HAS SAID ITS PRAYERS

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Dr. Patrick MacAfee, family, Hope, Jeff, meditation

A mom wrote to me, My recovering son told me he still has a lot of fear, and sometimes it holds him back, even from doing wonderful things in his life like meeting friends, going back to school, applying for a new job or going on a date. I guess this is normal – many of us have fears – but how much harder it must be for a recovering addict.

My reflection: Dr. MacAfee says that addiction is the loss of self and that recovery of self is a transformative process that takes time and perseverance. When Jeff made the decision to live a sober life, I told him, “You have a lot of courage to do this again, Jeff.” He paused and then said quietly, almost to himself, “Courage? That’s a word rarely used with addicts. Yeah, it takes courage.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Recovery offers our loved ones the freedom to rediscover their identity and, in time, their real and authentic personalities emerge. Today, I will recognize the enormity of this fight and the tenacity it takes for them to face and win this battle. For me, I must trust God and work diligently my program of recovery so that fear is replaced with courage.

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Jun 26, 2014

FAMILIES: LEARNING TO LOVE THEMSELVES

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, family, Forgiveness, Hope, meditation

In response to last week’s meditation, a mom wrote to me, I find not only the addicts don’t love themselves, but their family members – especially a spouse or parent – feel the same about themselves. What a vicious disease – robbing both the addict and someone close to him of self-love.

My reflection: Addiction is a family disease that often leaves us feeling guilty, shamed and devoid of self-love. When Jeff was in active addiction, I spent most days tangled within the illness, blaming myself and wondering what I could have done differently. As a mom, I wanted to fix things and drive addiction out of our home, but it doesn’t work that way. I was powerless and my sense of guilt was counterproductive.

Today’s Promise to consider: I can’t blame anyone for my loved one’s addiction because there is no blame. It just is. Today I will take care of myself by doing the things I know promote health and peace. I will pray, rely on my support group and reach out to the people around me who are suffering.

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May 15, 2014

LIVING IN FEAR NO MORE

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Faith, Hope, Stay Close

A mother wrote to me: I’m afraid and I’m giving up. Recovery was going well, I thought. Making meetings, new job he likes, nice girlfriend…I was beginning to trust and hope. In the last week, money taken from my purse, relapse, violation of probation. Now it’s back to court and maybe prison this time. I can’t do this again.

My reflection: Hope is fragile and fear is powerful. I wonder why fear seems to be stronger than hope? I don’t know, but I do know that there were times when I felt like giving up on prayer and giving into fear. When addiction rises up again and again, knocking us to the ground, we feel crushed and confused. But if we lose faith and hope, all is lost. We need to stay close to our children, but our children need to fight their own battles.

Today’s Promise: I am only human and sometimes I feel as though I can’t go on. But I will and I’ll go on in hope. I refuse to sacrifice my life at the altar of fear.

“We can’t be armor for our children. We can only be supporting troops.” Irwin Shaw

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Apr 24, 2014

REBIRTH IN RECOVERY: A LITTLE LIKE EASTER

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Gratitude, Hope, Recovery

Jeff and Jeremy, 1982

A mom wrote to me: My daughter’s addiction was without doubt the darkest time in my life. She was not dead, but she may as well have been; the loving, beautiful, tender-hearted girl I’d raised and loved was lost to me. Thanks to the Grace of God, Al-Anon, and more than a few very wise counselors, I was able to get out of her way and wait patiently and hopefully – often fearfully – for a change. Now in our eighth year of recovery, every morning feels a little like Easter to me. It’s vital for those of us who have experienced this special kind of rebirth, even for short periods of time, to serve as a witness of hope to others who are in that desperate and dark place.

My reflection: Rebirth, that time when our addicted loved ones come back to themselves and to us, can happen. Everyday, I give thanks that Jeff came home, most importantly to himself. Everyday, I am grateful that we have him for one more day. Everyday, I pray that he continues to make good choices.

Today’s Promise to consider: Addiction’s lair is filled with stories of both victory and of deep loss. I acknowledge there are no guarantees for sobriety, but I am grateful today for my son’s health. My sons and I celebrate all those who have found their way out of the grips of addiction. It’s a journey of courage and rebirth.

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