libbycataldi, Author at Stay Close Blog

Dec 5, 2012

STARTING EACH DAY WITH GRATITUDE: PART 3

by libbycataldi under Gratitude, Jeff, Jeremy

Brothers

A mother wrote to me: When I awake every morning and go to sleep every night, I feel God’s presence in my life and the life of my child. He is good today, but I know it’s one day at a time. Dealing with addiction takes courage, humility and gratitude. Courage to stay close and to love our child, humility to remember that the addiction is strong and can come back at any time, especially when we least expect it, and gratitude for the good things that happen in our lives – both big and small.

My thoughts: Courage, humility and gratitude are powerful forces, much more powerful than I realized years ago. When Jeff was using, I prayed each morning, “Dear Lord, thank you for keeping him alive today.” I expressed gratitude for the day ahead of us, trusting that God heard my words. Today, Jeff is good and our family is thankful. Tomorrow he has another choice to make.

Today’s Promise to consider: When the people we love are in active addiction and we’re used to bad things happening in their lives and ours, it’s easy to fall into resentment. But for today, I will make a concerted decision to see the positive, to start my day with thanks and to live the day in a space of gratitude.

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Nov 29, 2012

STARTING EACH DAY WITH GRATITUDE: PART 2

by libbycataldi under family, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Jeff, Jeremy

A mom wrote to me, I just returned from Thanksgiving dinner. The highlight of the day was the conversation between my nephew and my son, both of whom are recovering addicts. They are in such a good place in their lives, looking and feeling human again. I marveled at their strength, courage and honesty. They had us in tears, we laughed so hard. I’ve learned never to lose hope. Heartfelt thanks.

My reaction: Jeff, when he was deep in the throes of his addiction, once told me, “You believe in me more than I believe in myself.” He tells me today that I was right. Someone has to believe because without hope, all is lost. There is a Tibetan expression in which I’ve found strength, “Even if the rope breaks nine times, we must splice it back together a tenth time. Even if ultimately we do fail, at least there will be no feelings of regret.”

Today’s Promise to consider: I will keep believing and hoping, especially during the most difficult times. I will lean on God, reach out a hand to another and remember that it is through difficulty that we grow. I will take time every day for heartfelt thanks.

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Nov 22, 2012

STARTING EACH DAY WITH GRATITUDE

by libbycataldi under Gratitude, Hope, Stay Close

Granddaughter Iysa loving life.

A dad wrote to me: My son overdosed at the age of seventeen. I was in the E.R. with him the entire time. No one knows the fears, the thoughts, the excruciating pain that someone in this position experiences, except those of us who have been there. From that horrific day onward, I have chosen to look at the glass half full. Every day my son is still here is a wonderful blessing. Sometimes we need to be reminded of what is truly important in our lives.

My reaction: When Jeff and Jeremy were young, we’d begin our Thanksgiving meal with a prayer and then each person would respond to the sentence starter, “Today I’m thankful for ….” Now I wonder why this was only a once-a-year routine. Maybe I should have asked this on a daily basis. Ray Haas, a dear friend and teacher at our school, once asked Dan Butler, our maintenance man, “How is your day, Mr. Butler?” Dan responded, “Mr. Haas, any day my feet hit the floor is a good day.” Mr. Butler had it right.

Today’s Promise to consider: I’ll remember what is truly important in my life, not just once a year and not just today, but every day. I’ll work to make it part of my daily routine. Every day will begin with a thanksgiving.

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Nov 15, 2012

FORGIVENESS

by libbycataldi under Communication, family, Forgiveness, Resentments

A mom wrote to me: In your last entry, the recovering person wrote that the worn cowboy boots reminded her, “…of the fact that something weathered by experience can indeed be beautiful again.” This idea of weathering made me think of the ‘weathering’ we’ve had with our own parents, children and life’s challenges. Those experiences, no matter how painful at times, can be sources of huge growth when met with honesty and forgiveness on our part.

My response: We all have our own personal histories when the storms of life have tossed us around and ‘weathered’ us. I’ve traveled tough roads, not just with Jeff’s addiction, but also with cancer, divorce and other difficulties. Sometimes I’ve held resentments and have been slow to forgive others or myself. Holding onto the pain wasn’t good for anyone and only prolonged the healing.

Today’s Promise to consider: I will value the weathering in my life, those times of darkness, trauma and suffering. As heavy as they’ve been, I’ve grown through them. We’ve all made mistakes: parents, children, friends and life’s partners. Today, I’ll forgive someone else; today, I’ll forgive myself.

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Nov 8, 2012

REDISCOVERING BEAUTY

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, family, Hope, Recovery

A recovering alcoholic wrote to me: I just celebrated my three years of sobriety. What a day it was! My husband surprised me with a fabulous pair of very weathered, but beautifully hand-embroidered cowboy boots. I wear them almost every day (even if just while I’m making dinner!) in remembrance of the fact that something weathered by experience can indeed be beautiful again.

My reaction: The journey to sobriety is a hard-won victory, and I have great respect for those who have made this walk. Every day without alcohol or drugs is a success, and every month of living a drug-free life gives us hope. I learn from those who have traveled the road and fought to regain their life and freedom.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I reaffirm my faith that people can choose a better life, a different life, and a life of promise. I celebrate with all those who have found their sobriety, one day at a time. I, too, believe that something weathered by experience can indeed be beautiful again, and sometimes it can become even more beautiful than it was to begin with.

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Nov 1, 2012

HOPE IN THE FACE OF DESPAIR

by libbycataldi under Hope, meditation, Resentments

A mother wrote to me: I enjoy your weekly emails, but recently have begun to feel resentful and jealous of these inspirational stories. I guess that’s because after all these years, I feel powerless and hopeless. My hope has turned to fear and my love is turning to hate. I am financially and emotionally drained. My son has been to seven different rehabs and is currently in detox. He was sober for eighteen months while being monitored in a drug-court program, but started using again after he completed the program. I have no strength to go on. I am desperately seeking help, but no longer know where to turn.

My reaction: I thank this mother for writing because I, too, know this feeling of pain and resentment. I have felt my hope turning to fear and my love on the verge of despair. I have wondered why another family seemed to be doing well and mine didn’t. Why do some kids achieve and succeed while others don’t? Why is my son an addict when many of his friends are not? I’ve learned there are no answers. And when I stopped searching for them, I found peace.

Today’s Promise to consider: Bad things happen to good people. This is a hard, but undeniable fact of life. I acknowledge that my loved one and my family are in pain; however, even when faced with hardship, I’ll work hard to maintain hope. I’ll reach out my hand for support to Al-Anon and in prayer. As long as there is life, there is hope.

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Oct 25, 2012

RELAPSES: WE TEND TO FORGET

by libbycataldi under Abstinence, meditation, Recovery, Relapse

A mom wrote to me: My son keeps trying to push his addiction. He has been sober for nine months. This past week, he decided to “try” and drink again. I keep telling him, you can’t drink and drug, and of course I got the, “I am getting healthier, Mom,” spiel. He got so sick when he came home he threw up with such force that he busted veins in his face. He is not allowed to drink in our home, but for now I’ll let the situation play itself out. The consequences might do the trick. I keep praying!

My reaction: Father Martin at Father Martin’s Ashley, Jeff’s first recovery center, told this story, “There was an alcoholic who, after 20 years of sobriety, decided he was healed. He walked into a bar on his way home from work and had a drink. He left after the drink, proud of himself. The next day, he stopped again. Two drinks this time, leaving after the second drink. On the way home, he thought he had this addiction thing under control. The next day, he stopped again for a few drinks and never made it home.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Changing behavior is difficult, and many medical experts believe that addiction and alcoholism are life-long conditions that require constant vigilance. As time passes, it’s human nature to tend to forget how bad the bad things were in our lives. If my loved one relapses, I will allow him to feel the consequences of his choices. I am grateful he is sober today, and I pray he chooses health tomorrow.

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Oct 18, 2012

VICTORY: ONE DAY AT A TIME, PART 4

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Hope, Jeff, meditation, Recovery

A mom wrote to Jeff, Very interesting to hear you say that while your life is not perfect and everyday is challenging, you have a peace about it. I get this. While very different, sometimes I cannot believe how I have continued to move forward since my husband passed, how I can be at peace and even generally happy, how I have had to accept that what I thought would be my future with my best friend and the life that I envisioned…will not be. I can only attribute this attitude and “peace” to my spiritual relationship. Jeff, so glad you have found this.

My response: I want to write that I, too, have peace, but I still struggle. I believe that my spiritual core needs strengthened. I need to nurture it, be silent and pray more. As Mother Teresa says, “In the silence of the heart God speaks. It is only when you realize your emptiness that God can fill you with Himself. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.”

Today’s Promise to consider: I will take ten minutes at the beginning of my day to be still and try to silence the noise in my head. I will open my heart to a feeling of peace. I will make this part of my morning routine.

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Oct 11, 2012

VICTORY: ONE DAY AT A TIME, PART 3

by libbycataldi under family, Hope, Recovery

A dad told Jeff and me, Our son is not yet sober, but my wife and I have found peace after hearing your story. We know that we can’t control our son’s behavior, but we now know we’re not alone. And more importantly, you’ve shown us there’s hope.

My response: We are powerless against the addiction, but we are not powerless to help ourselves. The Serenity Prayer gives us a guide, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I’ll consider the continuation of the Serenity Prayer: To live one day at a time, enjoy one moment at a time and accept hardships as the pathway to peace. I will ‘let go, let God.’ This will be my personal victory.

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Oct 4, 2012

VICTORY: ONE DAY AT A TIME, PART 2

by libbycataldi under Forgiveness, Hope, Jeff, Recovery

A mom wrote to me: So often with addiction we want to wipe the slate clean and start over which, of course, is not possible. Here is a quote I came across and thought you would find it interesting: Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. I like the sound of this! I always found it depressing that a new start didn’t solve the problem so the idea of a brand new ending is comforting to me.

My response: Jeff once wrote, “Addiction has changed my life, made me a different person, and in many respects my life is richer because I was forced to confront myself, or die. My past is my past and I can’t turn it around or change the footsteps that follow me.” He learned that he couldn’t wipe the slate clean, but he could create a brand new ending. And he did.

Today’s Promise to consider: Our histories are ours, and they provide valuable opportunities from which we can learn. Every day offers another start, a fresh chapter or a new page in our life. The challenge isn’t about not getting knocked down, but is learning how to get back up again.

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