Faith Archives - Page 7 of 11

Jul 9, 2015

RELAPSE

by libbycataldi under Dr. Patrick MacAfee, Faith, family, Relapse

A mom wrote to me, As I anticipated, my son relapsed. Not that any relapse is ‘good,’ but this one was terribly frightening. My son has lost about everything. My husband and I (not always on the same page) went to his apartment last night. I held my son in my arms and BEGGED him to choose life. I know I can’t do this for him. I’m just so painfully sad.

My reflection: I would have sold my soul to make Jeff well. Relapse after relapse felt as if it were our life’s sentence. Only at the end of a 14-year addiction did I realize that I was powerless to change my son. He had to make the decision to change. I needed to stay close.

Today’s Promise to consider: For many addicts, relapse is part of the process of recovery. Dr. MacAfee says that relapse isn’t failure, but it’s one step closer to sobriety. For today, I’ll pray that if my addicted loved one relapses, he makes it back safely. As a mom, I will use my energy to stay close, continue to love him and pray.

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Jun 25, 2015

WOUNDS AS LIGHT

by libbycataldi under Faith, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Resentments

Rumi, a 13^th century Persian poet and theologian, wrote, The wound is the place where the Light enters you.

My reflection: This one line touched me deeply. The wound caused by addiction is a place where the Light can enter. I can choose to learn from addiction and the destruction that it causes, or I can stay stuck in anger, resentment and bitterness.

Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I will let hope and healing grow in the deep wounds that addiction left. I admit that we all suffered tremendously, but I will not be chained by bitterness and ugliness. I will learn from my pain. I will have faith in the future.

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Jun 4, 2015

TELL HIM TO STOP, DAMMIT

by libbycataldi under Communication, Dialogue, Faith, family, Jeff, meditation

Jeff, Granddad Cataldi, Grams Cataldi, Jeremy

My dad, who would have been 95 this month, didn’t understand addiction. He once pointed his finger at me and said, “Why don’t you tell him to stop, dammit? We can all see that he’s not right. Listen, daughter, you gotta do something. You gotta tell him to stop.” I just stared back at my dad and thought, “Don’t you think I’ve told him to stop, Dad? Do you think I can’t see that he’s not right? Don’t you think I’ve tried?” I didn’t say these things to my Marine Corps Drill Sergeant father.

My reflection: My father wasn’t an addict and for him addiction was non negotiable, something that shouldn’t exist in our family and a problem that ‘had to go.’ In his mind, I was the parent and I should have able to demand that my son quit using drugs. To Dad, it was black or white, two extremes, and Jeff’s behavior wasn’t acceptable and had to end.

Today’s Promise to consider: Many people think that addiction is a lack of character and a moral weakness and, with enough guts and grit, the person should be able to stop. Stop, dammit. My dad thought that way. I wish I had had the silver bullet or had know those magic words to make the destruction stop. Instead, addiction is a cunning, baffling and insidious disease that requires extreme patience, education, perspective and faith.

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Apr 9, 2015

PATIENCE IN RECOVERY

by libbycataldi under Communication, Courage, Faith, Gratitude, Hope

When Jeff had been healthy for three years, I wrote: My son’s growth is evident. He laughs more easily, he watches more calmly and he protects himself better. He knows where he hurts and he pays attention to what is coming. He’s more reflective, thoughtful, less impulsive, and more honest. He has good friends. He is becoming the strong and caring man he was always meant to be. Recovery takes time.

My reflection: One year earlier, Jeff told me, “When I awake in the morning, I know if it’s going to be a good day. Some mornings, I reach for a word and it’s like reaching into the fog. I can’t grasp it. Other mornings, when I reach for a word, I pluck it easily out of the air.” He continued, “I’m frustrated that some days aren’t clear, but I guess it will take time. I need to be patient.”

Today’s Promise to consider: We all need to be patient during recovery – both addict and parent. Changing lives, behaviors and systems takes time. Today, I will remain patient with my addicted loved one and not jump ahead of the process. The joy is in sobriety, one day at a time.

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Apr 2, 2015

A POWER GREATER THAN MYSELF

by libbycataldi under Faith, Gratitude, Hope

A recovering addict told me, I was addicted for 30 years and was never able to get sober until I turned my world and life over to a power greater than myself. You know, I’m becoming more spiritual as time goes on and it’s beautiful. Like this morning, up at 5:30 watching the sun rise, having a cup of coffee, admiring my new BBQ I bought and it was just you know, thank God, this is so great. I could not imagine myself 20 years ago in this position.

My reflection: In talking with many recovering addicts, spirituality or ‘coming to believe in a power greater than myself’ are central themes in beating addiction and living a productive, sober life. They have discovered a God of their understanding that provides them peace and perspective.

Today’s Promise to consider: There are many ways to get clean and to live a good life, but believing in something bigger than we are big, something both outside and within ourselves, can make a difference in recovery. Life still is difficult and can be sticky, but our reliance on a power greater than ourselves can give us serenity and strength.

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Feb 5, 2015

OPENING THE DOORS OF HELL

by libbycataldi under Courage, Faith, Hope, Recovery

A recovering addict wrote to me, No one could guarantee or promise when I decided to lead a sober life the doors of heaven would open up and let me in, but a sacred Truth held in trust promised something even greater, that the doors of hell would open up and let me out. I live by and give deep thanks for that great promise, and thankfully, by the Grace of God, I am able to live a sober life.

My reflection: When addiction takes our loved ones by the throat, they live their hell. Despite what it looks like from the outside, evil and ugliness have taken hold. When Jeff was sick and at his lowest, he chose to change his life. That was when the doors of hell opened.

Today’s Promise to consider: Addicts live a tortured life, but only they can make the decision to change. Once they do, grace is given space to work and they often re-enter the world with a passion to serve. It’s a true miracle and a gift of life.

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Jan 15, 2015

GET OFF THE NAIL

by libbycataldi under Acceptance, Courage, Faith

A friend once told me a story, In the jungle, a lion was howling into the darkness. A mouse walked by and asked what was wrong. The lion said, “I’ve been sitting on a nail and it’s painful.” The mouse replied, “Get up. Get up and off the nail.” The lion sat frozen with fear and said, “I can’t. It will hurt too much.”

My reflection, My friend told me this story when Jeff was in active addiction and I was paralyzed with fear and pain. I didn’t know what to do, how to move or what to tell people – including Jeff – so I did nothing. I remained stuck on the nail of addiction and cried.

Today’s Promise to consider: Life is full of problems and we feel pain about addiction, finances, relationships, careers and countless other things. Sitting on the nail of the problem and howling into the universe doesn’t help. Today I need to find the courage to lift myself off the nail. I’ll take a deep breath, pray and face my problem.

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Jan 1, 2015

THE PAUSE

by libbycataldi under Communication, Faith, meditation, Stay Close

Arthur Rubinstein, the well-known pianist, was asked, “How do you handle the notes as well as you do?” His response was immediate and passionate, “I handle notes no better than many others, but the pauses – ah! That is where the art resides.”

My reflection, Magic often happens during the pause, a moment when something to be discovered is given the opportunity to rise up. When Jeff was in active addiction, I was afraid of the silences, when I didn’t hear from him or when I didn’t know how to respond to addiction’s continuing problems. In time, I learned to ‘stay close’ and allowed space for the pause. It was in those moments when my Higher Power could do the work.

Today’s Promise to consider: Instead of filling the air with words and trying to solve every problem, I will pause and allow the purity of silence to provide space for me to reflect and think. On this New Year’s Day, I’ll pause, open my heart and listen to the inspiration that resides there.

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Dec 18, 2014

HOW DOES ONE FORGIVE?

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Forgiveness, Resentments

A dad wrote: I have worked so hard on forgiveness. I know in my heart that God wants me to forgive, as He has forgiven. I have prayed for His Spirit to grant me the gift of forgiveness. I must somehow still be resistant. I sometimes, in prayer, feel I have forgiven, then the past comes back to haunt me and the anger and remembrance of betrayal returns and I am back where I do not want to be. Share with me, how do you forgive and stay in forgiveness?

My reflection: In the book Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach writes, When we forgive, we stop rigidly identifying others by their undesirable behavior. Without denying anything, we open our heart and mind wide enough to see the deeper truth of who they are. When we do, our hearts naturally open in love.

Today’s Promise to consider: I don’t have a personal process for forgiving, but I do know that in preparation for Christmas, I want to open my heart and mind wide enough to forgive those who have hurt me. As one mom wrote, “It’s anger that keeps us hostage.” Today I’ll pray.

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Dec 11, 2014

NEVER QUIT BELIEVING

by libbycataldi under Faith, family, Hope, Jeff, Jeremy

Libby, Jeff and Jeremy

A mom wrote to me, As I type this, our son just started methadone treatment, and our daughter is in a 28-day treatment program after being released from detox. I have to admit that I think it’s unfair that both our children are drug addicts, but I never lose faith. I keep praying for them to get well. It has been a nightmare of epic proportions and my husband and I are so very tired of living all that comes with dealing with addicted children. We just want them to get better and be able to lead healthy and productive lives.

My reflection: This mom is correct that addiction is a nightmare of epic proportions. I remember well the depression, the ache and the suffering that our family endured during Jeff’s addiction. I remember praying to find the silver bullet that would cure my son and stop the addiction. Unfortunately, there isn’t one.

Today’s Promise to consider: We all need someone to believe in us and to have faith in our abilities to overcome. The words that I wrote eight years ago remain true today: